When Allie and I were ten, we buried a biscuit tin at the bottom of my mum's garden and swore we'd dig it up when one of us got married. Three weeks ago, we did. I've brought what we found, so nobody relax just yet.
I'm Tess. Allie marched up to me on our first day of school in Bristol and informed me we were going to be best friends. I'd love to tell you the rest of that story, but that was the whole story. Thirty years and counting.
So, the tin. Inside were two friendship bracelets, a lip balm that had turned to soup, a photo of a boy band we've agreed never to name, and one folded sheet of paper titled Requirements for My Future Husband, by Allie, age ten. Ben, I'm so sorry. With the bride's permission, sort of, here it is.
Requirement one. Must own a horse. Ben, do you own a horse? No. Strong start.
Requirement two. Must be a famous footballer. Ben does planning applications for the council. I checked with his mum, and nobody has ever asked him for an autograph. Not once. She seemed sad about it.
Requirement three. Must have really good hair. I'm saying nothing. The photographer can say it for me.
Requirement four, and this is word for word. Must never be boring, or else.
And there it is. Because on paper, Ben, you were a stitch-up. When Allie first told me about you, she said, he does spreadsheets for the council and he's the most interesting man I've ever met, and I quietly booked her an eye test. Then I met you. You taught yourself to make fresh pasta because she mentioned liking it once. At Christmas you beat her nan at cards and refused to apologise, which makes you the bravest man ever to enter that house.
Here's what the tin can't tell you about Allie. Three years ago I had the worst week of my working life. I'm a midwife, and I'll leave it there because it's a wedding. Allie turned up at my door that night with a toothbrush and no questions. She stayed three nights on a sofa that fits no adult human, and for a month afterwards she texted me one stupid joke every morning at six, until the jokes got good again. She'd already done the same the year my dad was in hospital. She'll hate that I've told you, which is precisely why it needed witnesses.
Allie. At ten you knew exactly what you wanted, and you grew into a woman who knows exactly what matters. You picked me on a playground and I've been showing off about it ever since.
Ben. The first time she brought you home, she watched the door whenever you left the room, like you might not come back. I had never once seen her nervous. So I went out and bought a hat.
The tin goes back in the ground tonight with a new note inside, and no, you can't know what it says. Please stand and raise your glasses. To Allie and Ben. No horse, no fame, and never once boring.
Spoken by Tess, 35, a midwife from Bristol, best friends with the bride since their first day of school. 528 words.